


Happy Depression

by Mystic_Harley



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:55:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22359088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystic_Harley/pseuds/Mystic_Harley
Summary: Videl Satan thinks she's okay, even though she's really not.
Relationships: Videl Satan/Son Gohan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	Happy Depression

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SatuD2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatuD2/gifts).



> Just another warning for those who haven't read the tags: This fic is primarily about depression and has suicidal thoughts as well.

Videl Satan didn’t like to think of herself as depressed, no matter how obvious it was to Gohan. She tried her hardest to tuck it away, to keep it secreted in the dark corners of her mind. She always tried to explain it away, to reason with herself about why she wasn’t seeking therapy.    
  
After all, she said to herself one morning. Would depressed people make themselves pancakes? It was cheat day, and Videl woke up that morning feeling pretty energetic if you really had to ask her. Deciding that she could afford to treat herself a little, she placed her phone on the kitchen counter and soon was mouthing along to the music, nodding her head and measuring out the ingredients with a careful hand that years of practice had afforded her. Her dad was a lousy cook after all, and she remembered all the times he tried and failed to cook her breakfast.   
  
Still, it was the thought that counted to her. Videl squirmed a little, smiling at the memory of her dad in a silly apron and eyeing her phone. Did she want to invite Gohan over for breakfast? She was probably going to make more than she could eat, and Gohan would probably eat any leftovers she had and have room for more. Holding her phone, she stared at the screen, mentally weighing the pros and cons before shaking her head and slapping it back down and getting back to the food.    
  
It had taken her around 10 minutes to finally have a plate of pancakes. She had made extra and decided to tuck them away in the fridge, mentally swearing to herself to eat them later for lunch or dinner. Closing the door, she buttered them up, poured the syrup and cut them up into digestible chunks. Once she had everything in place, she took a deep breath and looked around the empty table, before turning up her music to drown out the stab of loneliness she had and began shoveling the food into her mouth.    
  
It wasn’t the polite and sophisticated way she had been taught but she was home alone (too alone, but the music pushed that thought out of mind, out of sight) and she felt like easing a little messily. Licking her lips, she tasted the sweet syrup and before long the plate had been completely devoured and coated in stray syrup. She chugged her milk down and sighed out, sagging her shoulders a little.    
  
That was probably a mistake, she’d likely feel awful later because she ate so quickly but it felt good and maybe that was all that really mattered. Videl stood up and put the dishes away in the sink. She stared down at them, wondering if she should do them now or let them pile up (again, her mind supplied, but she ignored that part as always).   
  
Chewing on her lip, she tore herself away from her sink and decided that she would go on her run. She grabbed her phone and slipped back into her room, pulling out her exercise clothes and pausing for a moment as she looked at herself in the mirror. She tugged on her cheeks a little, seeing the tired and worn look on her face. The way her eyes had bags under them and the fact her hair was starting to get pretty long again. She twirled a lock of her hair between her fingers before taking a deep breath and getting dressed quickly. If she didn’t do this now, she’d just stay home and eat all of the ice cream and watch terrible soap operas.   
  
Again.   
  
Slipping her earbuds into her ears, she turned on her running playlist and set out from her house, making sure to lock it up before taking off in Satan City. She waved to familiar and friendly faces along the way, letting the slight adrenaline rush of the exercise and her music carry her across the city, tearing down blocks and avenues at speeds slightly faster than normal humans were capable of, as if she was running away from something.    
  
She paused as she ran across a billboard of the Satan City baseball team, staring up at the grinning and scarred face of their star player, Yamcha. A howling wolf was beautifully depicted behind her. He was advertising some kind of health product, but it struck Videl that he was an old family friend of Gohan’s. She remembered going to games with her dad and he had to throw the celebratory pitch, but it had been such a long time since she had gone to a game.   
  
Videl wondered if her dad would ever want to go with her again before she shook her head a little. Her dad was even busier than normal, there was no way he would have time for her now. He was probably the most famous man on the planet after what happened with Majin Buu. She started back on her run, pushing herself faster to make up for lost time, determined not to let those intrusive thoughts that were rooted in her brain and flowering bloom fully. Videl ran and ran hard, until she had to stop and catch her breath, swallowing down a whole water bottle in a few seconds and leaning over against her door.   
  
Then she heard the sound of her TV going and she stiffened up. She didn’t know if it was a burglar or not but she’d be damned if she’d let someone steal her stuff. Gripping the door handle, she burst in and yelled out. “Stop right there!”   
  
Gohan blinked back at her, dressed up in his usual school outfit for college. He had some of her leftover pancakes on a plate and was sitting cross legged on her sofa. He smiled, waving a little. “Hey Videl. I guess I forgot to tell you I was coming over, haha… you doing alright? You’re all red.”   
  
Mentally berating herself for acting like a foolish idiot (she did that anyways when she dressed up as the Great Saiyawoman), she nodded and offered a smile that she hoped reached her eyes. “Yeah! I just got back from my run. I’ll go freshen up and I’ll come join you. Like my pancakes?”   
  
“They’re great!” Gohan called at her back as she walked into her room. A warm blush spread across her cheeks at the compliment, something blossoming in her chest that she clung onto as she threw her clothes lazily into the hamper and stepped into the shower, trying to let her mind linger on the fact that Gohan enjoyed her cooking instead of, say, the fact she overdid it on her run and now her legs were sore, because she was an idiot and didn’t know how to pace herself anymore. Or how she thought Gohan was a robber and she instinctively went into battle mode, and made herself look like an idiot in front of him.   
  
Stuff like that, she’s ignoring and instead focusing on the fact that Gohan likes her pancakes. Well, maybe. Gohan likes food in general so he doesn’t seem picky about quality. And really, was Videl a better cook than Chi-Chi? She doubted it.   
  
The water was getting too hot, and she quickly scrubbed and washed before stepping out. She turned on the blow dryer and made sure her hair was dry, and she threw the dirty towels in with her clothes and stepped back out into her room, pulling on a pair of old sweatpants and one of Gohan’s shirts that he left over. She looked at herself in the mirror again, thinking she looked sad and miserable before joining Gohan on the couch, curling up against him.   
  
He wrapped his arm around her, squeezing her close to his body. She shut her eyes briefly, enjoying the company in silence for a moment before she realized he had said something. “Huh? You say something Gohan?”   
  
A chuckle resonated from his chest. “I said, how was your workout?”   
  
Terrible. She couldn’t stop herself from thinking those thoughts again. She felt lonely and sad and she was happy that Gohan was here. She didn’t want him to leave, she wanted him to hold her and tell her it would be okay.    
  
“Eh, same as always. Same old same old.” She said, closing her eyes again and mentally yelling at herself for not being truthful. Instead, she snuggled up and let herself drift off to sleep, soothed by Gohan stroking her hair.   
  
When she woke up in her bed and he wasn’t there anymore though, she panicked. “Fuck.” She whispered to herself, scrambling out of bed and nearly throwing herself into the wall as she swayed dangerously, feeling dizzy thanks to getting up too quickly. Once she took a moment to re-orient herself. She opened her mouth to call out but decided against it, instead she quietly moved back into the living room, feeling her heart clench when she saw Gohan was nowhere to be seen. “Dammit!” She hissed, feeling even more stupid for falling asleep like that.   
  
Then she remembered that it was a school day for Gohan and somehow felt even worse. She should’ve known better, she should’ve remembered that Gohan had school today and felt like shit for thinking of asking him to stay. She knew he’d throw it all away for her and a sick feeling curled up in her stomach at the idea. She would ruin him.   
  
She was ruining herself. Videl hugged herself tightly and curled up on the couch, trying her best not to let the tears fall out, rocking slightly. This wasn’t normal, Gohan would never notice but did she want him to notice? What if he noticed and he was repulsed by her, she was supposed to be a strong woman wasn’t she? His crime fighting partner.   
  
Why couldn’t she be strong for herself when she could be strong for others?   
  
A sob was ripped involuntarily from her throat. Hot tears stung at her eyes and made them burn and she reached for the blanket draped over the couch and curled it around herself. Her mind was  _ screaming _ at her to call Gohan and ask him to come over when he could but she couldn’t bring herself to reach just those few inches and actually do it. She didn’t deserve to get help anymore because she was so selfish about it all.    
  
As if on autopilot, her hands grabbed her phone and had unlocked it, scrolling down to find Gohan’s number. Her hands were trembling as she thought about interrupting Gohan’s class with her  _ stupid _ needs and scrolled over to where her dad’s number was and dialed it before she could stop herself. She wiped her eyes, taking steadying breaths as she waited, praying that it would go to voice mail and she could hang up without any troubl-   
  
“How’s my little girl doing?” Came the deep rasp of her father. Videl almost felt another wave of sobs escape her at the relief she had as she leaned back, cradling herself slightly.   
  
“Hey dad! I was… well, I was wondering if you wanted to uh…” She faltered, swallowing hard. “Go to a baseball game or something? Have some fun father/daughter time.” There was a silence on the other end of the line, and Videl quickly began backpedaling before she could stop herself. “I-I mean, if you’re really busy or anything I totally get that Dad! You are Mister Satan after all, haha!”   
  
“Videl, I would  _ love _ to go see a game with you! Don’t even worry about getting tickets, I’ll set up a date with you and we’ll have the time of our lives! Hahaha!” Her father’s confident laughter was music to her ears. “Lemme call my agent and I’ll call you back later babygirl. You have a wonderful day!” And just like that, he hung up.    
  
Sagging her head against her arms, Videl breathed out a sigh, her heart pounding in her ears. That was one of if not  _ the _ hardest thing she’s ever had to do in her life, bar none. Her phone buzzed, and she checked the caller ID.   
  
It was Gohan. Fuck.   
  
As it turned out, he just called to ask if she wanted to come over to his place for dinner. She felt a flip in her stomach at the idea of exposing how much of a wreck she was to his family and politely declined, neglecting to mention that she was going to be eating alone and feeling awful about it. He didn’t need to worry about that right now. Or ever.   
  
She would be fine. Videl put on a podcast she really enjoyed listening too, letting her mind wander away from the stresses of life and how tempting the knives in the drawers looked when she briefly opened them and slammed it shut. She gulped, feeling a wave of raw fear wash over her as her thoughts turned darker and darker and she decided that she could afford to still be lazy and pulled out her phone, dialing the number to her favorite comfort food place and ordering her favorite meal. All she had to do was sit out the wait and she would be in food heaven. That was easy. She sat down on the sofa again, plugging in her laptop to the TV and turning on the video service she knew was available, trying to distract herself with quick and funny little videos until the doorbell rang.    
  
It was an agonizing 20 minutes before the doorbell rang and she sprang up, walking over to the door and smiling brightly at the guy who was delivering her food. He seemed nice enough, and she made sure to leave him a nice tip as the delicious smell hit her nose and fired up the serotonin in her brain and she sat down, not even bothering to get plates and instead digging in as soon as she unwrapped it all.    
  
As soon as she took the first bite, she felt like she was in heaven. The food danced across her taste buds in a beautiful waltz that sent her nerves twisting happily. She took slow bites, relishing in each of them. It was greasy, unhealthy, and likely going to kill her 40 years in the future but right then and there she couldn’t care less.   
  
She polished off the meal and leaned back, a hand on her stomach and just relishing in the afterglow of a great meal. See? She wasn’t depressed. Depressed people couldn’t do  _ this. _   
  
Videl wondered who she was trying to convince when she had that thought.    
  
Onto the dessert, fried banana and sherbet ice cream. Videl had absolutely no idea how this place pulled off such a daring combination but she took one bite and fell in love all over again. She took a picture of her desert and sent it to Gohan. “Sorry, you’ve been replaced.”   
  
“My heart. It’s shattered. Is that fried banana?”   
  
A fit of giggling overtook her, snorting into her food she sent a reply. “Yup. And sherbet ice cream.”   
  
“Can we agree to enter a polyamorous relationship? That sounds great.”   
  
She laughed again, feeling lighter and sighing happily, finishing off her food and going back to her online videos.   
  
It was later that night when things got worse again. Videl liked to think that she had a good sleep schedule with ‘slips’ here and there. Those slips were spent mostly spiralling out of control until she either pulled herself from the brink or broke down entirely and with how her day was going it was quickly going to be the latter.   
  
She had tried everything to stop it from happening. Eating some more, putting on some nice music and dancing her feelings out, but it only resulted in her breaking down into tears while the music hit. It was an odd sight, one that she was glad she was alone for as she danced her heart out, sobbing until she collapsed on the floor of her room and hugged herself again, suppressing the urge to scream out at how unfair her life was.   
  
You’re acting like a teenager Videl Satan, she told herself bitterly. Always thinking about yourself and not of others. You should end it now and be done with it, spare everyone your miserable pathetic excuse of a life and just close your eyes and never open them.   
  
She grabbed her phone and desperately dialed Gohan’s number, hands trembling badly. She didn’t trust herself to be alone anymore. Videl wasn’t even sure if she could speak properly and she let out a breath when the line clicked. “Gohan? It’s Videl, I’m sorry to be calling so late but…”   
  
“Videl? Sorry, it’s Goku.” Goku? She checked the number again and realized to her horror that she had accidentally dialed the house number and not Gohan’s cell number.  _ Shit. _ “Are you doing alright Videl? You don’t sound so good.”   
  
She could lie to him, it would be so  _ easy _ to lie to him. Goku was a nice man and a bit simple so she sincerely doubted that he’d press her if she lied and said she was fine. She closed her eyes, remembering the knives in the drawer and how tempted she was.   
  
“Actually, Mr. Son-”   
  
“C’mon Videl, you can just call me Goku!”   
  
Right, dammit. She couldn’t do anything right tonight could she? “Right, sorry Goku. Um, I don’t think I’m doing okay… can you get Gohan or… or or something?” She was stuttering badly now, her voice breaking and she was sure that he could hear her crying.   
  
“I’ll tell you what, you stay put. One second.”   
  
Before she could even blink, she yelped in alarm when the man himself suddenly appeared before her. He knelt down, scooping her up gently in his arms and smiled kindly at her before tapping his fingers to his forehead and suddenly they were in the living room of the Son household, and she was put onto the couch, warmed by a roaring fire in the fireplace.    
  
“I’ll go get Gohan, you stay put Videl.” Gaping stupidly, she watched Goku disappear upstairs, and a few seconds later Gohan was walking downstairs and at her side in an instant, pulling her into his strong embrace again.   
  
“Are you alright Videl? Dad just said you wanted to see me.”   
  
Any meager self control Videl had left had drained completely and she clung onto him tightly, sobbing her heart out. “Oh Gohan I’m so  _ stupid! _ ” She cried, curling up and trying to wish herself to disappear into the ether. “I-I, I let myself get like this. I’m a fucking idiot because I can’t get my life together and I can’t get the help I need and I’m so  _ afraid _ to be alone now because if I do I might do something really stupid.”   
  
She had said that all in one breath, but Gohan hugged her tighter and pressed a gentle kiss to her head. “Hey, it’s okay Videl. You aren’t a screw up, no matter how strongly you feel okay? I know what you’re going through, and it’s not easy. You’re having a hard time.”   
  
“You had to save the world.” She whimpered in a pathetic objection. “I shouldn’t be, shouldn’t be comparing…” She couldn’t even finish her sentences anymore. She held onto him tightly, and he rubbed her back.   
  
“What you’re going through is just as bad. You don’t have to have had a traumatic life to feel like that. You can’t help it when it sinks it’s claws in you. I’m glad you came to me though Videl. You’re the strongest woman on Earth for staying safe and reaching out.”   
  
She sniffed. “I should’ve done it sooner.”   
  
“You’re doing it now.” He countered gently, smoothing her hair down. “Mom got me a therapist you know. I don’t think I would’ve survived without her. I felt alone, scared, and… well. I’m glad she stuck by me. And I’m going to stick with you Videl. I promise.”   
  
There was a pathetic, high pitched noise from Videl as she began crying harder than ever, finally hearing the words she had been longing for but unable to ask about for so long. “I love you so much Gohan.” She choked out, burying face against his shoulder.   
  
“I love you too Videl.” He said simply, kissing her head. They stayed like that for a while, letting Videl get it all out of her system and chatting idly about anything that came to mind. How Eraser was doing, going with her dad to see the baseball game, how Goten was doing, how the farm was going along.   
  
“Gohan?”    
  
“Yeah Videl?”   
  
“....Can we go flying?” She didn’t want to look at him, afraid that he would say no. It was a stupid thought she tried to tell herself, there was no way he would tell her no. But what if he did?   
  
“Of course we can.” He stood up, helping her to her feet gently. They shuffled outside and Gohan took ahold of her hand. “Do you remember how to do it? Or do you want me to carry you?”   
  
“Can you carry me?” She remembered perfectly well how to fly, but she didn’t feel like it. Instead, she climbed into his waiting and eager arms, wrapping her own around his neck. She nodded, unsure if she was smiling at him but as they lifted off, she felt one grow on her face as they took off.   
  
Videl loved flying with all of her heart. There were few things in the world greater to her than taking off from the ground and soaring into the sky, feeling the clouds pass her bye and the wind rushing in her hair and her ears. She remembered Gohan teaching her, training her to use her  _ ki _ and the feeling she had when she lifted off for the first time and took off towards the stratosphere.   
  
And here she was, in the love of her life’s arms and flying gently into the clear night mountain sky. She looked up, seeing the twinkling stars reflected in his eyes and felt herself fall in love with Son Gohan all over again. How could she have gotten so lucky with someone like him?   
  
The cold breeze felt good against her hot and flushed skin, and he looked down at her with a smile on his face. “Do you want to go back to your place or mine?”    
  
“Yours.” She said instantly, it wasn’t even a question. She couldn’t be at her house, even with Gohan there. They kept flying for a few minutes, Gohan soaring over the mountains until he touched back down and brought her back inside. “Will your parents mind if I stay with you?” She asked quietly as they ascended up into Gohan’s room.   
  
“I don’t think so.” Gohan said, and he laid Videl down gently and sat next to her, wrapping them both up in blankets. “You might have to help Mom out with breakfast, but you’re always welcome here Videl.” He hugged her close, kissing the back of her head. “You’re part of the family now.”   
  
They laid like that for a while, Gohan eventually falling back asleep while Videl tried to do the same. She closed her eyes, pressing herself against Gohan and focusing on her breathing, planning out her future. She would go with him tomorrow and seek out a therapist. She would get  _ help _ .   
  
Videl finally fell asleep, feeling hopeful for the first time in a long, long time. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for everyone who's read this, this was a... cathartic thing for me to write. And special thanks for Satu for finally inspiring me to write my first Dragon Ball fic.


End file.
